Last week, the universe reminded me to slow down. To give not only myself grace, but to strangers around me. We are all doing this thing called life for the first time. We all get so consumed in our own circumstances that we don’t realize the ever-present need for human connection. I had a conversation with a lovely older gentleman probably in his 80s at the store. He needed to just talk to someone, and I was lucky enough to be the one he did. At first, it was just back and forth casual conversation. He told me he was shopping for his, “bachelor life” groceries. But I sensed the heaviness in his pauses. He proceeded to tell me how he lost two wives. Both to cancer. How he tried to date again, but it was just too hard. Life is so parallel. No matter how old we are, we all experience tremendous losses in our lives and try to navigate them the best we can. We went on to talk for a little while longer, and I’m so glad for that. A sense of connection brings forth little slivers of momentary healing. We’re always so busy in our own tangled webs that we forget how badly we just need someone’s willing presence sometimes. Even if it’s a stranger in a store at the checkout line. Listen to them. You will always walk away with a lesson for yourself, and you’ll be better for it too.
There is one podcast segment on Real Ones, that I always love revisiting. It is with Shia LeBeouf (don’t rag on me, I know he is controversial, but I loved this section of it.) Let’s all be mindful of growth and forgiveness, please! He is talking to Jon Bernthal about, “the ministry of presence.” That line has always stuck with me, and I think about it daily. As I said earlier, we all get so caught up in our own lives that we forget how important it is to really put our stuff aside sometimes and truly just be present for others. This doesn’t mean you have to do anything strenuous. We are all struggling to pour from empty cups at times. But presence is free. It can impact someone’s day to a point where they may even have a new outlook. A small glimmer. All because someone took the time for them to be present. As I have gotten older and gone through huge moments in life both tragic and triumphant, I have appreciated the people who have been there. Even when it was hard for them to be. I think a great example of presence would be what happens after someone dies. When it first happens, people tend to surround you. They call/text, send flowers/food or well wishes. But, after some time that presence quietly tip toes its way out for most people. For me, my journey through grief took years to come to head. When I needed people the most it was well past the time of the death. That presence is monumental. That is what sticks with me. The people who never walked away, even as time passed, and life moved on. Grief does not grow out of our lives; we just grow around it.
Presence is also imperative for our own self growth and reflection. Are we holding space for ourselves? At the end of the day, it’s you. The way we talk to ourselves, the way we treat our bodies and minds. It’s the most important relationship you will ever have. The daily choices you make for yourself, morph you into the wholeness that you are. Do you find yourself consuming your own being with negative self-talk? Is it making all that is in you someone you don’t want to be? How we treat ourselves reflects how we will treat everyone around us, both friends and strangers. I challenge you today to say one positive thing to yourself or to someone else. Watch how it lights you up, or someone else. Be present, before the moment passes you by.
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