One of my earliest memories was the Christmas of 1995. I had just turned five, and I was so sick with pneumonia. I had been wishing that Santa would bring me the life-sized Barbie. I remember having a fever and waking up even earlier than a kid normally would on Christmas morning, and padding my little feet over to the living room to inspect the gifts. It was dark, and the only thing giving out any light was the colorful faint twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. There she was, front and center. Too big of a box to wrap. I was in awe of her beautiful pink sparkly tulle dress, her perfect blonde hair. Just the absolute dream to my little self. Like most girls in the 90s, Barbie was a focal point of my life. I always dreamt of the Dream House, but it was always too expensive. But, any chance my Mom or Grandma could get, I'd get a Barbie. Every Christmas, the special edition holiday Barbie that no one was allowed to open was always the biggest temptation. They always had the best gowns and hair out of them all. I don't remember when I stopped playing with Barbie, but I know she was behind every sleepover memory that existed and deep down in my heart, she was always there.
When I found out that there was going to be a movie, I will be honest that I had low expectations. I thought it would be a silly little film and it would go away quickly. I'm so glad I was wrong. At just shy of 34, I sat down by myself to watch the movie. I laughed a lot, and cried even more. Wishing so badly I had my Mom next to me holding my hand to share in both. After the movie was over and my tears dried, I spent the rest of the day and days after thinking about it. It was the truest version of describing what it feels like as a woman and the pressure we put on ourselves. Don't be too much, but be enough. Show your accomplishments, but not to the point where you are bragging. Become a partner, become a Mother, be successful in everything you do but still have the guilt that you're not perfect or qualified enough for any of those jobs. Be beautiful, don't age, don't feel. Be robotic. Why can't we have it all? If we want to be a successful woman in our careers and a Mom, why can't we have both of those without feeling like a shitty woman? What if you just want to be a Mom only, and that's fulfilling enough for you? What if you don't want to be a Mom at all, or aren't physically capable of reproducing anymore/ever? It all just hurts and it's heavy.
Watching the movie opened my eyes to how hard we all are on ourselves, how hard I am on myself. If we aren't beautifully sculpted with no stretch marks or the perfect size 2, don't we still matter? When did hearts and souls stopped being looked at, when those are what matter the most. When my life ends one day, those are the things I want to be remembered for. Being a boy mom, I see how differently the world is through my son's eyes. Him being 7, there's so much innocence left and it just shows me how everything is learned by the things being said or shown around kids. He tells me all the time how much he loves my heart and how he thinks I am so beautiful. Being raised by a solo Mom, I know he will have another level of respect for women. I will uphold him to it. I never want him to make a woman feel less than, or unimportant. There isn't one woman that I know who has not been made to feel this way by men AND women. We all need to do better. After the movie came out, I loved the immediate influx of videos that were created on social media and the unity it brought about. I loved that we could feel like little girls again and embrace that girlhood we've left behind and the womanhood we're now experiencing. I hope that the little girls who watched the movie gained confidence from seeing how we do not need to be perfect dolls, and that we can do anything and everything we want to do for OURSELVES. I think of the summer of 2023 as the summer of the girls. Between Barbie and the unstoppable force that is Taylor Swift and the Eras Tour bringing us all together to cry, dance, and sing our hearts out; we have ruled this summer and there was nothing "cruel" about it. (If you're a Swiftie, you'll understand that. If you aren't, what are you waiting for?)
"It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault. I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know."
-America Ferrara as Gloria In "Barbie"
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